Tuesday, March 8, 2011

4 Conversation Fragments Overheard at 2011 Austin Kite Festival + Analysis

1. Tall and scruffy hippie dude w/ saucer eyes and patchwork pants, directed towards young female passing with leashed dog: "Is it all a dream, or what?"

Analysis: 50% chance failed pickup line, 50% chance genuine drug-induced wonderment.

2. Middle-aged, graying-haired, "normal"-looking female, accompanied by middle-aged, graying-haired, "normal"-looking husband / partner / brother / friend / accomplice, directed towards small leashed dog of two young prepped-out females w/ quickly progressing sunburns: "Ohhhhh!!!! Is your baby, a, a, baby!!! Or, a..."

Analysis: No conceivable estimation as to meaning of utterance can be reached.

3. One of aforementioned pair of young prepped-out females w/ quickly progressing sunburns and small leashed dog, directed to other, possibly in reference to C., standing at distance of approximately one meter: "Dude, I dare you to jack that chick."

Analysis: High likelihood subjects of analysis refer to partially exposed wallet protruding from rear pocket of C., unaware of wrath that execution of said "jacking" would unleash.

4. Unseen male, possibly late 30s, possessed of strong surfer accent, directed to second unseen male of indeterminate age / background: "Yeah...I can land a backflip."
Second male of indeterminate age / background, responding with strongly incredulous tone, almost to point of challenge: "Really?"

Analysis: Given recent meteorological warming trend in Austin area, and gender / age / inflection of interlocutors, determination is 60% chance said "backflip" refers to wakeboarding experience of previous day (Saturday), undertaken at Lake Travis. Also 22% chance topic of conversation is recent snowboarding trip to Colorado, Summit County. Percentage chance of alternative topics diminishes rapidly from this point, rendering further speculation unproductive.