Monday, October 12, 2009

What's in my head

* I'm sitting at the 2'x2' wooden table in the comedor staring, as usual, at my too-big-to-be-practical laptop. My lower calves are tight from a run in the park this morning. I love that feeling. I'm drinking coffee too quickly out of the tall mug with the gold floral pattern, one of two coffee-appropriate vessels that came with this departamento amueblado. The floor-to-ceiling windows next to me look mainly onto another section of building, other apartment windows, but I can also see out over the train tracks, past the Classical square bulk of some government building and to the highrises just in front of the ocean.

* The idea of writing is burning an ulcerous cramp into my stomach. I look at the Times New Roman type of my "to do" list and immediately look away. That shit is not gonna happen today. I get reprieve after reprieve from my day-job work as projects are pushed back. I feel like I need to be accomplishing something with this time...impotence.

* I wonder what the Internet will look like for our grandchildren. Will they be able to access everything their grandparents wrote, all the trivial musings on blogs, all the Facebook status updates and tweets? Would they want to?

* This Internet connection is crap. It needs to be reset five times a day. Just went out again.

* I know what the problem is, because it's not new. Feeling "stuck" somewhere when there are other places to be. Maybe constant movement has conditioned me to always be thinking one place ahead. It's not the best way to live. The buddhas would be disappointed.

12 comments:

julie said...

Hal-
I really enjoyed this look inside your head-- feel like I know you better now. And also feel like I'm not so alone. I'm having the same kind of day. :)

david miller said...

sweet.

i used to take runs in bsas. my route was through san telmo out to puerto madero, which by the way, is a name i defy any gringo no matter how good their Spanish is to say without giving away their accent.

agree with julie.

stoked to read this note.

Kathy Amen said...

...and we all thought your huge laptop was so cool! [and good for watching BSG downloads, ¿no?]

...as to internet 100+, I'm rooting for the Star Trek computer model: just tell it what you want and it gives you the answer 8-)

Abbie said...

Hal I love that you wrote this post today because it's exactly the type of writing I need to do to work on my descriptions :)

geotraveler said...

You're certainly not alone. It's been one of those days too.

angryredhead said...

Seems like you're not the only one...I've been feeling that way a lot lately. Minus the running...gotta get on that.

crfranke said...

Exactly what I needed to read, and what I need to do. Just a brain dump of all my unfinished tasks and hyperactive thoughts, because at the very least I'll be writing. Not frozen or stuck.

And like angryredhead said, need to get on the running thing too....

hal said...

Thanks everyone for your comments. Might have to write more "down 'n' out" posts like this just for the attention. ;)

neha said...

'the idea of writing is burning an ulcerous cramp into my stomach'

unfortunately i know exactly what you mean.

Vagabonderz said...

We all like to know we're not alone. And we all feel what you're puttin down here.

michelle said...

This is refreshing, Hal, both the post and the comments. Nice to feel not alone. :)

Sarah said...

"The idea of writing is burning an ulcerous cramp into my stomach." - have so, so been there before. ;)