Friday, November 20, 2009

I Don't Know What I'm Doing

I move out of my Buenos Aires apartment in less than 3 days. Nothing's packed. I'm not even sure if everything will fit in my luggage, despite the new duffel I bought from the arcade on Avenida Santa Fe.

Should I be worried? I don't know.

I've done this so many times it shouldn't require thought. Planning, packing, leaving. I mean, take your pick:

Confessions of a Serial Packer
The Old One-Two
The Cycle
No Regrets
Farewell, Portland
Farewell, Cocha
Another Farewell: Cuzco
Rebirth

You'd think I'd have it figured out.

But I don't. I don't know where all my stuff is. I don't even know what stuff I have. In my mind, there are tiny, dusty possessions hiding in corners, under the couch, in the back of the cabinet that reeks of mothballs. I'll never find them all. Something will be forgotten, left here in this septuagenarian-painted 10th-floor one-bedroom, stuck in some mildewed crack, becoming mildew, until they tear the whole building down and cart away the rubble.

And I'll be somewhere else, a different person living a different life, and I won't even know it's gone.

11 comments:

Kathy Amen said...

Wait until you've been in the same place for 30 years (if that ever happens) and THEN try to know where all your stuff is 8-).

Michelle Schusterman said...

Yes. This I can relate to.

Where are you headed next?

hal said...

@Michelle: Back to the States, basically. Doing a bit of inter-Argentina travel first.

joshywashington said...

Man, you never figure it out. At least I don't! One foot in front of another I guess...
soooo, about that support group!

How about one for looking at an unpacked room holding your new duffel in one hand and a bottle of tequila in the other...

Josh Lowe said...

I like how this post's hostility seamlessly drifts into apathy. Have a good trip out of B.A., and eventually S.A.

Matt Scott said...

Best of luck. Hope it goes well

angryredhead said...

if you don't know it's gone, then it isn't worth missing ;)

Lauren Quinn said...

Sounds like you don't really wanna leave.

Where do you go back to in the States? Hopefully somewhere near Oakland, so we can kick it!

hal said...

@Lauren: Actually, I do want to leave. It's just that leaving after months spent anywhere is always bittersweet for me.

And I'm afraid I'm heading directly opposite Oakland: Maine! :(

Vagabonderz said...

It's amazing hey, but I think that just goes to show that nothing is the same, no two moves are the same. Otherwise, you'd have it downpat. Happy travels!

julie said...

Wow- I'm really behind on reading blogs. Thinking about the two of you as you make the next change.